Cycle

Get away from this girl

she makes u feel like crap. 

Eventually u’ll get tired of her abusive behavior

of her irrational jealousy 

and depression. 

You can’t fix her

she’ll have to fix herself

or lose you, it’s an easier way to end her torments. 

She can’t be happy because she isn’t in control of her life. 

What do u want from this girl? 

You fell in love with her

and thought you could change her. 

She will change, 

just not for you, 

for the man who changed for her.

And now this man wants her to change

and even when she thought did

she did something to upset him

in a way that frightened her

in a way she couldn’t understand. 

And now she feels like she’s crap

her mind wandering if she’s bad, 

not finding answers to her behavior

nor her partner’s. 

I thought this girl wasn’t threatening 

and that she’s safe to play with, 

I still don’t know if what she did was right or wrong. 

Beauty

I started digital painting again, after a break of almost 3 years

I decided to paint my character BANI

I will not reveal the painting on this blog, but on my professional blog when it’s done.

I took a long break from illustration and work, almost a year or two, without any major work. (besides the heartbeat animated concert videos)

I decided to draw again, seriously,

not some half-done sketches

or ugly drawings,

something beautiful to look at

something attractive.

I got inspired by all the beauty I saw around me

This break I took enabled my eyes to look around for details

instead of keep focusing on the screen.

I’ll be back,

I will break the negative cycle.

Happy 2017

New year resolutions

On this new year

that started out positively

I decided as a first step

to stop my credit card

and start saving/making money instead.

I have applied to jobs, in my field and out,

I would do anything for income,

which reminds me, I should start working on my new freelance soon!

I also deleted the sudoku game (for the second time)

for I found it very engaging but time consuming,

I have gained no skill in solving difficult sudoku puzzles

(sadly).

What else can I do to have a fresh start?

I also worked on my personality, during the past few months

I learned not to fight with any type of client, and be less demanding on budgets

my fights have caused me to lose the battle to my opponents

who might be less skilful but more patient.

I am proud of myself for not fighting with my publisher,

even if I was hurt, I decided to open a google docs document

and express all my feelings, safely

(well now that I think about it, I don’t think google docs is the best choice for safety)

Anyway….

I’m actively trying to improve myself,

which makes me happy.

I hope everyone has a happy new year!

🙂

This calls for celebration

I had a wonderful new years eve, opposed to the sick and uneventful last year’s NYE

opposed to the dramatic and weird NYE of 2015

opposed to the ordinary NYE of 2014.

I have found a great passion for cooking and bartending

I seem to enjoy making food and drinks, mostly drinks

due to their fun color and short preparation time.

I have enjoyed my night with my boyfriend and his friends,

it was a happy positive and fun night

filled with laughter, drinks, good music and good company.

And it was the first time I sleep over, and wake up in your bed.

I enjoyed being awake to your warm embrace and loving smile

I felt our bodies rushing to get in contact with each other’s skins

and I felt every inch of you go back and forth

inside me

it all felt so natural

on the first day

of this new year

where I overcame my fears and worries and sadness

and you did too

and we reached a state of love and well being

and pleasurable love making

interrupted by almost being caught by your sister.

I really enjoyed having sex in the morning,

I would really like to do it again.

We had a bast last night,

and there were lots of food leftovers for today.

We enjoyed a peaceful day

with us doing our daily routines,

and being together.