Beauty

I started digital painting again, after a break of almost 3 years

I decided to paint my character BANI

I will not reveal the painting on this blog, but on my professional blog when it’s done.

I took a long break from illustration and work, almost a year or two, without any major work. (besides the heartbeat animated concert videos)

I decided to draw again, seriously,

not some half-done sketches

or ugly drawings,

something beautiful to look at

something attractive.

I got inspired by all the beauty I saw around me

This break I took enabled my eyes to look around for details

instead of keep focusing on the screen.

I’ll be back,

I will break the negative cycle.

Happy 2017

Channel your inner genius

I managed to turn my bipolar 

into creative energy. 

Tonight I feel productive

accomplished

successful, 

I managed to start drawing again,

thanks to yesterday’s arragements,

my somehow down mood,

and my free time.

I feel like my artistic capacity hasn’t been explored

for a long while now

and it’s about time I wake the beast up. 

With no distractions, 

nothing to care about

no friends to beg for going out

and a boyfriend who doesn’t ignore me

it feels right to start new work. 

I shall do this often

 – at a dream level: everynight –

it’s good for me

it’s good for my ego

now that I know I’m starting off my carreer 

the more I work the better. 

For the first time in many days

my sleep came naturally 

it fell down on me midst working

and suddenly I don’t feel the need 

to take the pill anymore. 

But I’ll take it anyway

cause I’m done for tonight. 
 

Best decision ever

Being happy

was the best decision I took this summer

Being happy isn’t luck

or a medicine

it’s a life choice

it’s actively choosing everyday 

to overlook the negatives

to do more of what makes you happy

to hold on to the positives

and drown in the beauty of love and life

and be inspired by it,

happiness is my muse.

Most beautiful day

I woke up too early

Excited,

I got ready, then pretended to sleep

waiting in bed

eagerly

for you to come and kiss me. 

I love cuddling in my bed

I love love

and all the kisses and laughs and touches

we’re crazy

and it’s beautiful

how we both can make each other

so sad or so happy. 

It’s a new experience,

spending our morning in bed.  

We took off to zahle

we had fun on the road

we wore the same blue sunglasses

and listened to yoünger brother

and got excited.

We stopped by at a flower shop

and I picked up a beautiful bouquet

for my father

but the cemetery was closed

and we couldn’t enter.

We reached berdawni

it was such a beautiful sunny day 

we ordered mezza

arguile

and arak

like a real lebanese couple. 

We ate till we were full

and left to buy ice cream

for my grandma.

She was sitting by her balcony

alone

sad

she saw us

she was so happy

she cried

I’m happy we made her happy

I love her so much

I wouldn’t want anyone to stop my love for her

not even herself. 

We ate icecream and drank coffee

and had an amazing time with teta. 

When we left, she barely could walk but insisted on walking us to the door

I wish I can see her more often

I will try

she deserves to be happy.

We then took off to mtein, 

beautiful mtein, 

stopped at a spot

where I could leave my flowers

and where we can climb rocks

and take pictures

with a beautiful view in front of us.

We continued our journey to my house, and enjoyed a sunset and a good time with my family

It was an amazing day

we drank rum and ate cake

and had fun talking on our way back to the city. 

I don’t feel like working

I just want to enjoy the memories

of today. 

Protagonist B

Protagonist B

has left the country

and took off in a plane 

to a faraway land. 

Protagonist A, 

who just got back home

knows everything she needs to do 

to fill up the time he’s gone. 

She’ll keep him alive 

not only in her memories

but in her new adventures

in the valley, 

for Protagonist B 

lit a fire inside her heart

and drowned in her deepest waters, 

ever since they met. 

And for that, 

drunk and high,

their souls and bodies collide,

as they share their happiest memory

before saying goodbye. 

Insensitive

Summer’s slowly coming to an end

I have been burnt by the sweet sun of August

and I have shared the most beautiful memories

I’m constantly feeling inspired

and happy

my sadness and past sit beside me

like a black cat

that occasionally scratches me 

but I quickly recover.

I am full of life 

and love makes me melt

as I listen to the painful cries of my mother

heartlessly

immune 

as a bad lover 

immune to his partner’s cries,

like my ex was immune to my cries, 

and It makes me happy, 

not to see her sad, 

but to be free, 

free of the past, 

free of the relationship that reminded me of how much pain I caused my mother

through all the pain I felt. 

I am taking off with my new lover

into a faraway land

where we share passion

happiness

adventure

and love. 

I will cry one day

my mother’s tears

but not today. 

and not for my love. 

Wait for nothing…

It was a long ride

I was stuck in the passenger’s seat

I opened the door while the car was moving

7 times for 7 months

suicidal?

No,

I was in a car that was going to crash

and I finally

found the courage to jump

and I rolled 7 times on the floor

before I landed in a valley

of lost hope and desires.

I let wild plants pick me up

and animals leave bruises and marks

on my arms and hands

and I took off

in a hot air balloon

it rose me above the valley

while I could see clearly

the car that crashed

with your dead body.

 

Let go

Last night I had a dream, telling me that I should let you go.

It’s my subconscious, telling me I should stop

holding on to a past

that never brought me joy.

Also, my subconscious showed me

that you weren’t bad,

but I wasn’t happy.

After months of mixed feelings,

I dreamed of this particular drawing,

and it’s the first time in a long while

I express myself again

using an image.

Independence

I took the decision to stop chasing you and him.  

after all, nobody’s worth the chase. 

I took the decision to live without you and him.

If I were to imagine the perfect mate, he’ll be a mixture of you both. But I’m really, better off alone. 

Last night I danced my heart out for hours, it felt so good, this freedom. I haven’t danced like this for years, I should do it again.  

I looked good, I looked fit and beautiful, people thought I was working out. 

In reality I just got stressed and depressed, but I came out happy as fuck. 

Everyday I write down 5 positive things that happened to me, and ever since I started doing that, I started to see that life wasn’t bad after all! 

I’m excited to grow into the woman i’ve always wanted to become.